There are many things that can disrupt a persons life. A lot of things, can bring people closer to their doom. Several weeks ago, that would be the case for me.
As some may have heard from that time, I got kicked out of my gaming group, and DnD group that I founded myself. Well, the people in the DnD group was formed out of the gaming group, so that kinda explains. I had been together with those people for 5 years, and then suddenly getting the cold shoulder, I saw my life crumble. I was getting betrayed for the third time back then, in my eyes. All because of one person who hated me, and the arguments we had because of that.
It was during that time, my songs on dubtrack got darker. Was more about sadness, despair and death. At that time, I was having suicidal thoughts. The words they parted me with, back then, hurted me deep in my soul. I no longer saw the good in humanity, no longer saw a reason to go on. After all, back then, I felt that all I would live for then, would be work and staying alive. There were other things going on as well.
The first night, was the hardest. That was the evening I got kicked, after they lured me with a promise of a good game. I had trouble sleeping and thought seriously of ways to end my life. I knew what my sister had done, and wanted not to make the same mistake in staying alive. But, I also doubted. So unable to sleep, I crawled back to behind my computer again. I noticed Danni to be on, and talked to him. That was the handhold I needed to survive. The following days, he was there for me to talk to. I got more on the server, while still being depressed at that time. Everyone there, and on dubtrack, actually helped me a bit to return. To give me a will to live again. I saw it as a way to start over again. A change in my life, a significant change. I even decided to change my name to leave the sadness and betrayals I have had as Aurum Crescent behind.
It still hurts, thinking back at the betrayal. So many memories we had made, only to be soiled by the betrayal in the end. But, I always keep in mind, that there are others who actually care for me. Who were there for me when it mattered the most. Who accepted me for who I am. I am glad that I joined this community back when I did. Else, I might not even be alive today.
I finally got my life back on track now. I know my future is still unsure, as my contract is ending in a few months as well. But, thanks to all of you, I know where I can go to when things go badly.
So thank you all, for saving my life back then.
